I’ve been fucked over by people I knew were no good, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt anyway. These past few years, I’ve grown so much. Enough to let go of the bad, leave it in the past, and move on. Enough to acknowledge and keep the good, enough to realize and stay away from the bad. Tonight I had someone step right in front of me, show and prove to me his pure heart within 10 seconds of seeing him. It took from the second I saw him to the second he bear hugged me for me see and feel the warmth, good, and sincerity in him. All my life I’ve waited for that to happen, and it finally did. Now? I’m more lost than I’ve ever been.
The emptiness, the feeling of being incomplete. I lose you for 2 out of 52 weeks out of the year and that’s well too much for me to handle. Every year, I find myself in tears, unable to sleep in our bed for 14 days. Every year, I find myself crying on your chest while you sleep on your last night. Knowing I have to go that long without you is already more than I can handle. Is pushes me to my limit each time, each year. Because every year, I remember hearing one voice saying, “I’m sorry,” that brings me back to the first year when you decided not to come home. The fear of knowing you can so suddenly turn away and change your mind shatters me every year. Yeah, sure everything ends up being okay, at least it did last year… But the year before last is the one I’ll never forget. The year you felt as if I maybe, I shouldn’t be the one for you. And every year, I have to sit here and wonder if maybe, I should be the one for you. All I have left are prayers. So Lord, please… Show him I am worthy. Because at this point time, I don’t know how to prove it anymore. 2 plus years, flown by as if they never happened, because time flies when you’re in love. You’d think that’d be enough, but sometimes… Enough is never enough.
A girl with high ambitions and great motivations are slowly slipping away. With a bad influence at it’s worst always standing next to the best girl who WAS on top of the world—it’s bound to happen. But I figured she was better, but I guess I was wrong. She constantly follows the foot steps of her peers like clockwork; from the drugs, the sex, the alcohol. Poppin’ pills just to feel half way alright, having late night rendezvous, and drinking every night. She lives the life of another, completely beginning to forget her own.. Thought she was her own person? She went from a lady with a good head on her shoulders to a junkie, alcohol gagging, slut who’s letting it all pass her by. Let her life slip away by the sip, sniff, and pussy pop. Whatever, I guess it makes her happy.
Don’t take my kindness for weakness, don’t milk the fuck out of my favor. Yeah, it’s a FAVOR, doesn’t mean you have to take full blown advantage of it. I have a life to live too, ya’ know?
The first day of school, seeing your friends and your enemies. Having a class schedule, different classes at different hours of the day. Knowing everybody who’s there, the sterotypes, the new kids. The, “bathroom break,” you use to call your friend to meet up with cus it really COULD NOT wait ‘till after class. The 30 minute lunch that you swear is your favorite time of the day.
In the end, it’s all your favorite when it’s all gone. Cus you grow up & realize how much easier it was to be a kid.
Actually, I’m REALLY fucking sure of it.
No matter how much make up you cake onto that nasty, dry, flakey ass face of your’s to TRY to be beautiful, you’re fucking horrendously, disgustingly ugly on the inside.. Outside too, cus I will be that bitch to tell you so. The homies use you, you say you have a, “big heart,” when in all reality you just have a pair of easy legs that open to any dick that heads your way and daddy’s bank account. Cut me out? Pft, please you little cunt.. WE cut YOU out. & at the end of the day, you can lay in your bed all by your lonesome self cus you will NEVER find anyone that will put up with that front you call, “A CLASSY BITCH.”